I analyze my life and realize that I have had to work for absolutely everything that I have. I’m blessed to say that I have parents that love me and have blessed me which has helped me tremendously, but who I am is because of what I have worked for. My hard work, my focus, my passions, where I am today. I have gone my whole life having the mindset that I didn’t deserve anything. That everything I got had to be earned. That the only way I can get honor is because I have earned it. I haven’t gotten as mad as I got the other day when someone said that I need to stop sounding like I was entitled. I was so mad. And I still get mad when I think about it. If you know me, and reeeeally know me, you would know that the last mindset that I have is that I am entitled to anything. Especially when it comes to what that person was talking about. I have never been content with myself and I always want to work to be better and sacrifice things to become better. I felt that me an my hard work was disrespected that day. That they assumed everything I worked for was just handed to me. I never want to cause anyone to feel the way I feel, give them this sour taste in their mouth. Maybe the Lord wanted me to take this as a lesson to respect people and the things that they work for and not to disrespect their hard work.
God’s opening my eyes to more and more. I’ve messed up. I’ve failed. I am nowhere even close to being completely faultless right now. And despite the ashes to my left and ruins to my right, I can still look up and see the Hope that never fails. The Faithful One who holds me with is strong hand and puts me back on my feet. My prayers have recently mainly consisted of my request for wisdom, strength, and for Him to guide me. I have had a stressful and busy semester so far to say the least, I want to get everything out of it that I can though. I wish there were more hours and breaks in my day, but I guess I have to sacrifice some things right now and it sucks. I feel isolated sometimes. It’s a part of life I guess though, it’s all in the process. And I have to remind myself to not lose faith in the process. I do need to listen more and hear what the Lord is telling me during this time and I shamefully admit that I haven’t always been listening or have been taking the time to really listen lately. And I want my actions to immediately change. I will never stop fighting. My passion burns stronger than anything else. I need this fighter mindset in the coming months as this semester ends. I want to be tactful. My mind is heavy this morning. Father I need You.