entitlement

I analyze my life and realize that I have had to work for absolutely everything that I have. I’m blessed to say that I have parents that love me and have blessed me which has helped me tremendously, but who I am is because of what I have worked for. My hard work, my focus, my passions, where I am today. I have gone my whole life having the mindset that I didn’t deserve anything. That everything I got had to be earned. That the only way I can get honor is because I have earned it. I haven’t gotten as mad as I got the other day when someone said that I need to stop sounding like I was entitled. I was so mad. And I still get mad when I think about it. If you know me, and reeeeally know me, you would know that the last mindset that I have is that I am entitled to anything. Especially when it comes to what that person was talking about. I have never been content with myself and I always want to work to be better and sacrifice things to become better. I felt that me an my hard work was disrespected that day. That they assumed everything I worked for was just handed to me. I never want to cause anyone to feel the way I feel, give them this sour taste in their mouth. Maybe the Lord wanted me to take this as a lesson to respect people and the things that they work for and not to disrespect their hard work.

God’s opening my eyes to more and more. I’ve messed up. I’ve failed. I am nowhere even close to being completely faultless right now. And despite the ashes to my left and ruins to my right, I can still look up and see the Hope that never fails. The Faithful One who holds me with is strong hand and puts me back on my feet. My prayers have recently mainly consisted of my request for wisdom, strength, and for Him to guide me. I have had a stressful and busy semester so far to say the least, I want to get everything out of it that I can though. I wish there were more hours and breaks in my day, but I guess I have to sacrifice some things right now and it sucks. I feel isolated sometimes. It’s a part of life I guess though, it’s all in the process. And I have to remind myself to not lose faith in the process. I do need to listen more and hear what the Lord is telling me during this time and I shamefully admit that I haven’t always been listening or have been taking the time to really listen lately. And I want my actions to immediately change. I will never stop fighting. My passion burns stronger than anything else. I need this fighter mindset in the coming months as this semester ends. I want to be tactful. My mind is heavy this morning. Father I need You.

"The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people."

"The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people."

f0o0od
This might sound dumb but sometimes I hate going through my tweet feed because of what people say. And it’s not always the negative things, but the positive things people try to post. It’s fake, it’s forced, it’s not God-breathed. It’s people talking out of their butt and acting like they have 120k followers and all the wisdom in the world. For some reason a group of people have the mindset that says if I can think of a really good tweet and get a couple of favorites and retweets on it then I’m cool and inspirational. There’s a group of people that think they’re the new Joel Osteen on twitter. Thinking they’re God’s gift to the earth and no one should go to the Father except through them. They dress, act, talk, just to get attention for themselves. They hand out forced smiles and a couple of handshakes just to hear themselves talk and make sure that people know who they are. Where is your true inspiration coming from? And really be completely honest with yourself when you answer that. Why are we making it about ourselves? It’s one of the most irritating things to watch for me. It’s fake, and I hate it. Gosh I hate it. Anyways…maybe I’m just grumpy this morning

This might sound dumb but sometimes I hate going through my tweet feed because of what people say. And it’s not always the negative things, but the positive things people try to post. It’s fake, it’s forced, it’s not God-breathed. It’s people talking out of their butt and acting like they have 120k followers and all the wisdom in the world. For some reason a group of people have the mindset that says if I can think of a really good tweet and get a couple of favorites and retweets on it then I’m cool and inspirational. There’s a group of people that think they’re the new Joel Osteen on twitter. Thinking they’re God’s gift to the earth and no one should go to the Father except through them. They dress, act, talk, just to get attention for themselves. They hand out forced smiles and a couple of handshakes just to hear themselves talk and make sure that people know who they are. Where is your true inspiration coming from? And really be completely honest with yourself when you answer that. Why are we making it about ourselves? It’s one of the most irritating things to watch for me. It’s fake, and I hate it. Gosh I hate it. Anyways…maybe I’m just grumpy this morning

amandapowell
Something that I’ve been pondering a lot lately is God’s love. There’s nothing else like it or anything that can compare to it. When I get out of the Tulsa bubble I get to see a lot of new kinds of people. All with different stories, different lives, different passions and different life goals. All I’ve ever known is that no matter what God is always there for me and I can always be encouraged by Him to keep me going. I can’t imagine life without God, I wouldn’t be living for anything but myself. I probably would have given up on a lot of things if I didn’t have God here. I think I am very fortunate, and I don’t take that fact for granted. I cried today, it wasn’t a big ugly sniffling cry, but tears came that I tried to keep in the best I could to keep cool in front of everyone. There was a lady helping us at lunch who you could easily tell was going through a lot. Something similar to what one of my family members went through. I felt the Father’s heart today. My heart broke, I got so sad as it set in. Everyone on this blue planet is different and God loves us all individually. Our strengths, our weaknesses, He loves us, and there is absolutely nothing we could ever do that would ever make Him stop loving us. He has always been there. When people have their finding God moment it’s one of the most beautiful things ever. I’m grateful for God’s love. I am praying for you, the reader of this post currently. I pray that you can have that finding God moment. I pray that at some point you can feel God’s love. And not just feel it but experience it. His love is so sweet and so perfect.

Something that I’ve been pondering a lot lately is God’s love. There’s nothing else like it or anything that can compare to it. When I get out of the Tulsa bubble I get to see a lot of new kinds of people. All with different stories, different lives, different passions and different life goals. All I’ve ever known is that no matter what God is always there for me and I can always be encouraged by Him to keep me going. I can’t imagine life without God, I wouldn’t be living for anything but myself. I probably would have given up on a lot of things if I didn’t have God here. I think I am very fortunate, and I don’t take that fact for granted. I cried today, it wasn’t a big ugly sniffling cry, but tears came that I tried to keep in the best I could to keep cool in front of everyone. There was a lady helping us at lunch who you could easily tell was going through a lot. Something similar to what one of my family members went through. I felt the Father’s heart today. My heart broke, I got so sad as it set in. Everyone on this blue planet is different and God loves us all individually. Our strengths, our weaknesses, He loves us, and there is absolutely nothing we could ever do that would ever make Him stop loving us. He has always been there. When people have their finding God moment it’s one of the most beautiful things ever. I’m grateful for God’s love. I am praying for you, the reader of this post currently. I pray that you can have that finding God moment. I pray that at some point you can feel God’s love. And not just feel it but experience it. His love is so sweet and so perfect.

silence

Well I haven’t posted on here in a long while. Life’s been busy, but what else is new. School has started back up and with that the volleyball season officially started last weekend! Right now I am en route to our second tournament we have this weekend. God’s blessed me substantially. My love is here, and I fall more and more in love with him every single day. He makes me so happy. Classes are good so far, I just live in the aerobics center this semester so I never see anyone…ever….but it’s ok….I mean….I don’t have friends anyways……. It’s been an adjustment.

I am trying to balance everything. I can’t take any days off. I’ve thought things were hard in the past but I can already tell this is going to be a hard semester. If I’m being transparent, I’ve been frustrated lately. God’s been working on my heart though and teaching me things. I need to be patient. My biggest prayer I have right now is that every step is directed by Him and that I am where He wants me to be right now. I got to take it a day at a time. I am learning a lot though. A lot about myself, a lot about other people, a lot about God’s love. I’m grateful. I’m particularly grateful for the people who have been encouraging me in all this. I don’t know how I do it without them. Especially my amazing hot boyfriend. I definitely need him right now, the timing of everything couldn’t be more perfect. God is Faithful.

This sweet boy melts my heart. He has shown me love and how to love. He protects and provides for me. He is my best friend. We are complete goofballs when we’re together. I would give anything for him. I admire his strength and hard work. He keeps me accountable to who I know I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to be doing. He’s taught me so much. I never have felt anything like I’ve felt with him. I never knew these emotions existed. I miss him like crazy. I love this sweet boy. I feel like a love sick puppy dog.

This sweet boy melts my heart. He has shown me love and how to love. He protects and provides for me. He is my best friend. We are complete goofballs when we’re together. I would give anything for him. I admire his strength and hard work. He keeps me accountable to who I know I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to be doing. He’s taught me so much. I never have felt anything like I’ve felt with him. I never knew these emotions existed. I miss him like crazy. I love this sweet boy. I feel like a love sick puppy dog.